Re: Thought for the day.....

by Dirtman on Mon Jun 08, 2009 9:58 pm

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot. The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of the phrase 'maul it again.'

A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ...neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps, and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all, you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive. The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....

#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.

#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

#7... Foursomes are encouraged.

#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.

#5... Three times a day is possible.

#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

#3... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.

#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason

why golf is better than sex.....

#1... When your equipment gets old you can replace it

by **Zoofer** on Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:16 pm

Good ones.
Its off to the club house!

Tiger Z

by calmage on Tue Jun 09, 2009 2:46 pm

lol..

good ones...

by **Zoofer** on Sun Jun 14, 2009 11:01 am

I have free tickets to the Surrey golf tournament at Hazelmere golf club.
Off to check out the pros.

by Dirtman on Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:11 pm

Haunting Questions

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

by **Zoofer** on Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:56 pm

To see if they are the same toones!

by calmage on Mon Jun 15, 2009 6:02 am

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

ewwwwww...

by **Zoofer** on Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:06 am

Cal.
I had another look at your link http://www.theokanaganexperience.com/.
I'd suggest that there be a 20 second delay before the postcard pops up and obscures the picture of the city, Like Kelowna fer instance. You just get focused on it and its covered by the postcard. I put the link on Twitter

by calmage on Tue Jun 16, 2009 2:02 pm

Z... I will pass on your comments to the kids..

They've been out selling like bandits... and it's slowly growing.

And tanks so much for linking it on Twitter. The more connections they have the further it climbs on the search lists for "Okanagan".

by **Zoofer** on Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:28 pm

Give them this link too.
http://twittertrick.com/cbindex.php

It cost $5.
But may be worth it.

by **Zoofer** on Thu Jun 18, 2009 4:51 am

Why Obama Scares Me, Too
by Chuck Norris (more by this author)
Posted 06/16/2009 ET

The New York Times passed on the opportunity to publish a great op-ed letter to President Barack Obama from Lou Pritchett, a former vice president of Procter & Gamble. Pritchett worked for that company for 36 years, until his retirement in 1989.
Confirmed by the Internet watchdog Snopes, here's a sample of what Pritchett wrote:

Dear President Obama:
You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me. …

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll. …

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves. …

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals. …

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Reillys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.
Lou Pritchett

Thank you, Mr. Pritchett, for your love for America, honesty and willingness to risk your reputation by speaking up to this administration.
Now let me add a few of my own fears to yours:
President Obama:
You scare me because so many amazing corporate and American leaders, such as Lou Pritchett, are saying you scare them.
You scare me because after you initiate more government borrowing and bailouts than all presidents combined, you then require Congress to follow a system that is "pay-as-you-go."
You scare me because you really do believe that going into massive amounts of debt can remedy our economy in the long run.
You scare me because your actions don't reflect the federal governmental constraints and fiscally prudent principles of our Founding Fathers and Constitution.
You scare me because you repeatedly still play the blame game with the Bush administration but never blame the Clinton administration, even though it was responsible for the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac subprime fiasco via the proliferation of loans to unqualified borrowers.
You scare me because you buy and run the banking, automobile and (soon) health industries with taxpayers' money but refuse to call it socialism.
You scare me because you claim to be a fighter for minorities and the promises of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness yet do not defend the unborn. What greater minority is there than those in the womb, against whom you already have enacted more pro-abortion laws than anyone since the Roe v. Wade decision?
You scare me because you promise to defend the U.S. against all potential enemies yet pacify those harboring terrorists, fight for the rights of combative detainees, and enable the enemies of Israel.
You scare me because you deny America's Judeo-Christian heritage before other countries of the world, espousing "the promise of a secular nation" during an age in which religious revisionism is on the rise. (Thank God for Rep. Randy Forbes, R-Va., and others like him, who even now are trying to preserve America's religious history by proposing the passage of a bill that would create "America's Spiritual Heritage Week." Call or write your representative today to support it.)
You scare me because your media team (including the mainstream media) seeks to label as radical, quarantine socially or in some way penalize any opposing conservative voices (such as conservative talk show hosts, news agencies, columnists and actors, such as Jon Voight).
You scare me because your media team does not address or diminish in any way your deification before the world, epitomized by the editor of Newsweek who stated this past week on Chris Matthews' MSNBC show: "In a way, Obama's standing above the country, above the world. He's sort of God." (How much scarier can it get than representative statements like that in a republic that once stood for a balance among political powers and a government "by the people, for the people"?)
Sincerely,
Chuck Norris

America, it's time to awaken from your slumber. Quit looking to the government for answers, and start looking to reputable sources. I recommend starting with Lou Pritchett's 1995 business book, "Stop Paddling & Start Rocking the Boat."

http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=32310

by Dirtman on Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:46 pm

Advice for living well.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship...

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

by **Zoofer** on Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:38 pm

Thats 20 thoughts!

by calmage on Tue Jun 23, 2009 2:49 pm

great stuff...
And great returns when implemented..

by **Zoofer** on Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:18 pm

Take a guess which one of the following reasons is behind it?

1. Due to climate change.
2. Due to the recession
3. Due to Iranian stolen election.
4. Due to high gas prices.

Spoiler:: 5. Due to yesterday's wine consumption.

6. GW Bush.

Thought for the day.....