Clarity

Another weird story...

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2854864.html

Lizard 'found inside hen egg'

An Australian doctor cracked open a hen egg to make his dinner - and says he found a fully formed gecko lizard inside.
Dr Peter Beaumont, 60, said: "I was cracking the eggs into a pan when I noticed one of them was all cloudy. I looked at the shell and saw a tiny gecko."

Dr Beaumont insisted the lizard had not got into the shell after he'd cracked it open because the reptile was embedded between the inner-shell and the egg's membrane.
He believes it may have crawled into the chicken to feast on an embryo - and got stuck. The egg then formed around the lizard.

"If you open up a dead chook, you sometimes see the partly-formed eggs," he said. "The gecko could have been looking for a feed and got trapped."
Dr Beaumont said eggs sometimes contained salmonella, a potentially fatal food poisoning often carried by other lizards.

"Maybe this happens all the time," he said. "Maybe geckos regularly crawl inside chickens for a feed. And this one was unlucky enough to get stuck in an egg."

Dr Beaumont has taken the egg, which he bought from a Darwin supermarket, to health experts to examine.

Darwin Award winners announced

An alcoholic who died after giving himself a sherry enema has won the 2007 Darwin Award.

The Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve the gene pool by accidentally removing themselves from it.

The 58-year-old Texan couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth because of painful medical problems with his throat.

He took to taking alcohol by enema instead but died after taking two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry.

First runners-up, and Double Darwin winners, were a young South Carolina couple, both 21, found naked and dead in the road in the early hours.

Police were initially baffled, until they found two sets of neatly folded clothes on top of a nearby building with a pyramid-shaped roof.

Other runners-up included:

An East German man who electrocuted himself when he tried to get rid of moles by pounding metal rods into the ground and connecting them to a high-voltage power line.

A West Virginia man who was crushed while dismantling a rundown barn. He fired up his chainsaw and ripped through a crucial support post, bringing down the whole structure on himself.

An Illinois man who won a game of chicken to see who could stay on a railway line the longest in the path of an oncoming train.

And a 29-year-old computer tutor who was killed in California while driving and working on his laptop at the same time. He was killed by oncoming traffic.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2677268.html?menu=news.quirkies.badtaste

crikey... that's a lot of whack first thing in the morning...


Tooo much ickypoo...

I think I'll go throw a load of clothes in the washer and go have an orgasm...









I sure hope my new vacumn cleaner attachment doesn't take long...

A good day to work in the garden!

I know men love their cars, but....

How is this even possible? What are the *ahem* mechanics involved?

[url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-'having-sex'-with-1,000-cars.html?source=rss&67]Man admits having sex with 1,000 cars[/url]

He claims to have had sex with stranger's cars. I guess he must 'ahem' unscrew the gas cap, screw and then screw it back on?
The cars would be locked so he couldn't get inside.

So you're thinking the gas thingy? I was thinking the exhaust.

Some guy said it was a prime example of "auto-eroticism". :D

Hehee.
I should find a pix of my honey.
2007 model.
Chevy.

Gas tank sex...

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u77/XxaltezzaxX_photo/DSC00268.jpg

exhaust pipe sex...
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z168/Santosuke/car-fucker-sex.jpg


And this is just plain car sex...

http://photocarsonline.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/car-sex.jpg

Do I dare aske where you found those pics?

I love the last one!

Haha
The first pic the guy looks just be having a pee.

The 2nd the nutter is trying to commit suicide. Carbon mono!

Texas Chili Cook-Off


Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to
the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI......

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report

LMAO!

I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

Hah...
too funny D'man.


I can really relate to this though...

Both the guys love hot...

I am ... and have always been... a non spicey ..

So.. I can really relate to the snow cone comment..