Mostly bad jokes, videos and pix .

A cowboy from Oklahoma hauling his horse in a trailer to a rodeo gets pulled over by an Texas DPS Trooper for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were persistently buzzing around his head.
The cowboy sez, "Y'all havin' a problem with them circle flies ?"

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches.

They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stops and asks, "Are you callin' me a horse's arse?"

"No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's arse"
"That's a good thing," the trooper says and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Oklahoma drawl says:

"Hard to fool them flies though".

A game for the sensitive squeamish!

I scored 600 on low.

This limerick is callous and crude
Its morals distressingly lewd
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.

Hah...!!!!!!

Benny Lava.. Hilarious.
I bet he makes Mike Jackson very jealous.. hehehe...

"Hard to fool them flies though".

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask, 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason...

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN!! ---> yeah right! you just try it!

Look kinda reasonable to moi!

It is said that when John F Kennedy visited Ireland to hoover-up the Irish-American vote – sorry; to visit the ancestral home of his forefathers - in 1963, a local journalist attempted to engineer a meeting between the President and members of the Behan family. The Behans, in particlar, Brendan, were noted writers and poets at that time.

The journalist's sole motivation was to utilise the following headline:

JACK AND THE BEHANS TALK.

Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His friend says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue.
'Well' the father said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes.'

The little girl screams, 'Don't eat it.... it's a f *ckin' arsehole'

As I was googling "hind lick maneuveur", I came across a specimen that looked like he could be an authority on it.

Hah
Tough to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on him.

an Email...


Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the
Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my
mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fuckin' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals assholes workin' there!
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't
want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit
whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone! Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd
rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
(fuckin' morons)
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and
getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans.
I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang. I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years. However, I have to get someone
'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA!!!

lol...good one Z...

such a flap lately about passports...

All the snow birds had to get papered...
and boy howdy...
wasn't that a schmazzoli..

Two nuns in a convent and one says to the other

"Have you heard, we`ve got a case of syphilis in the convent"??

other nun says

"well about time too, I`m sick of beaujolais.............


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How many rabbits make five?
Johnny, if I gave you two rabbits and then gave you another two rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?

Five!

How do you explain that?

I already have one rabbit.

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A three legged dog enters a saloon in the wild west.
He limps up to the bar and drawls,
" I'm lookin for the man who shot my paw "

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A creature rose up out of the surf and came ashore.

Its garments were made of green sea lettuce. "I am the friendly Witch of the Sand," she said, " I am only going to sunbathe."

The sun was terribly hot. Her skin began to bake and it turned as red as a ripe tomato!

Have you ever seen ... a baking lettuce and tomato Sand Witch?

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A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie".

The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

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While rummaging through his attic, a man found a shoe-repair ticket that was nine years old. Figuring that he had nothing to lose, he went to the shop and presented the ticket to the proprietor, who reluctantly began a search for the unclaimed shoes. After ten minutes the owner reappeared and handed back the ticket.

"Well," asked the customer, "did you find the pair?"

"Yes, replied the shop owner. "They'll be ready Tuesday."